


the immortality i want

by love_lave



Category: The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: M/M, but yes, i do be missing them, i haven't wrote patroclus and achilles in a really hot minute, like one fifth of this was written three weeks ago and the rest today, patrochilles - Freeform, so hopefully that's not too noticeable, the boys, the part before it alll starts to go to hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:27:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23539846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_lave/pseuds/love_lave
Summary: they will go on and on and on, never cease their speak and all that it holds, like the ground that quakes and the sky that radiates thunderous cries rests all within the palm of its hands. i can not be bothered to feel guilty when i do ache for it. to, even if just for a second, hold it to my chest, but what they seem to never tell you, that even the gold star that etches into your shoulders and back won’t even warn, is how simply immortality will fall to pieces against another’s mouth.
Relationships: Achilles/Patroclus (Song of Achilles)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 27





	the immortality i want

**Author's Note:**

> hello !! i hope everyone is doing well and healthy and that quarantine isn't going too badly, honestly i feel like im slowly losing my mind a little, but the sun is thankfully giving me shining days and spring is waking so its enough for me to survive this, i feel like i always write these two as like ,, a check up on my writing style, all my tsoa fics sound so different to me skfjld, but i hope you guys like it !! i'll stop blabbering and be on my way, love you all !!

They tell you of the riches, of the golden glory and fruitful gifts. They tell you through righteous trials done well enough, immortality will grant itself to you. It is tempting, the voices that echo the legends of those who have plucked it from the sky and have lived with godly beings amongst the clouds. They will go _on and on and on_ , never cease their speak and all that it holds, like the ground that quakes and the sky that radiates thunderous cries rests all within the palm of its hands. I can not be bothered to feel guilty when I do ache for it. To, even if just for a second, hold it to my chest, but what they seem to never tell you, that even the gold star that etches into your shoulders and back won’t even warn, _is how simply immortality will fall to pieces against another’s mouth._ His eyes will stare blindly into mine and the way his face twists into red embarrassment when he has been caught will never stop stealing my breath. I _want_ immortality badly, to fight to the end of my days with honorous armor adorning my shoulders, to be burned with the weapons that give those to cheer my name, to chant it into the air, but with the charms of living honorably and wealthy comes with the desire to feel, touch, and have _him_ everywhere at once _. I want_ to feel my hands braiding through his hair, _I want_ to see the arch of his smile when I amuse him, _I want_ to press against the warmth that spreads amongst his body when I whisper sweets that only we can hear. I want immortality, as long as its him that crowns it upon my head, his hand to do the bidding of forever laying my life and when our lips touch like the brisk of dawn, even for the briefest moment, I never doubt that the buzzing that skitters across my skin and the light that floods my blood is what it truly means to live forever. _Patroclus is_ _forever and forever and forever, the immortality that I want._ He nips at me where we lay in the meadow, enclosed by the knitting work of Demeter’s hand. I pick and pick as he weaves them into a new form, laughing as I cause the colorful pile to grow and grow. 

“Is it not simple enough?” He looks to me from where he lays on his front, leaving his work in bare hands. I must be on my back so I can watch both him and the sky, I sit up as he speaks. He tilts his head, the sun shifting through the curly mess that lies atop his head, burned amber teasing remarks staring at me through lashes flicked with gold. 

“For you, never.” He reddens at that, quickly flicking his gaze else where and it is all I can do to take the underside of his face in my hand. I kiss his face, bringing him forth closer as he squirms and twists in my grip. I have him laughing rays of gold by the time I sink my teeth into the bone of his shoulder in playful nibs. His fingers tug at my scalp, bringing me closer and closer to the godly purchase his mouth can make. I suck and bite at it in a way that breaks him into bubbles of sound again, I can not tell if it is on purpose that he is trying to test our length of breathing, but I take the challenge till hes pushing at my shoulders, feeling the smile growing against my lips as I hold him tightly. He breaths deeply, our middles keeping contact thanks only to myself as he pushes away at an arms length, giving me a look of endearment as i protest his distance. 

“Oh I deeply apologize, I am not as godly as you and can not hold my breath as if I am drowning.” 

“Yes you are, godly that is. My own beautiful deity.” Hopefully we will not be stricken by the skies rage for saying it, but I only speak truth from the musical drum in my chest. Heat dots his cheeks, speaking in whispers under his breath. 

“Hush, by the gods you truly hold no filter.” I let him go, his force catching up as he yelps and tumbles out of my lap, landing amongst the flowers. My skin immediately aches for his touch, following him down I lay on his front. He makes a sound of discomfort 

“You are heavy too.” 

“Do you ever not have a compliant.” I hover above him, hands next to the sides of a hieros face. He looks dazed and happy, I don’t need to be told that my own features mirror his; reaching to push the hair away from my temple, I grab his wrist. They’re small, but there is strength where I hold, muscles flexing in an invisibility to the naked eye. A strength others are blind to or choose to ignore, but one I hope will carry me to my deathbed. His racing pulse plays under my thumb and I feel mine jump in my throat, I kiss his in thoughts to calm the one pounding in my ears down; the quiet and sharp gasp he makes at the contact only thrums my body worse. I hear him swallow his air, eyes lashes shadowing the bones of his cheeks in their partial closure. _What is it that he sees? How can he call me godly when he refuses to acknowledge the beauty and golden blood that flows through himself? Patroclus, Patroclus, Patroclus, do look how I see, for the mortal deity I never want to let go of that you are._ He kisses me, shutting my running thoughts out before they can leave vocally. I taste the fruits we ate that morning, figs and oranges that still linger on his mouth and drip into my own. Even apart we stay close, I breath in the air his lungs allow, my hands play at the dimples of his back. His chest raises high. 

“Is this immortality?” Voice soft, a whisper to the wind, an earnest question filled with a million answers, my tongue goes heavy with the words. _Yes, you, we, are the immortality we’re asking for. I want immortality with you, to live forever together, descendants asking us for stories of their ancestors._ My silence and perplexion seems to confuse him.

“Do you want it?” It’s gentle how he asks, finally moving the hair off my face that he’s been twitching to do. I turn my face into his hand, nudging it as he runs his thumb under my eye, I hadn’t realized my tears were present. 

“You are my immortality, I already have it if you will allow me.” I mumble into his palm, feeling my tears roll down my face in a peaceful travel,falling onto him; I wipe them away before they can sink into his skin. He stills at my words before letting out a laugh dripped with a sadness I want to tear out of his chest. 

“I am sure that it does not work like that, but I already know that your legends will keep you alive.” His soft face is blanketed with a look of sad content, as if _he’s accepted a faux truth that still mocks him._

" _Our_ legends. Our love will keep _us_ alive,” with the snap of the air, I realize it is the first time its been said. _Our love. Love,”_ and I will fight any bastard that tries to speak otherwise. Do not even try to argue, I will eat you raw before I let anyone take your love away from me, even the gods if so be it.” I want to speak more but he claps his hand over my mouth, refusing to look at me as he stares in the souls of the daffodils that litter around us. He’s flushed, burnt ambers wet and tear dew lashes, but he’s smiling, grinning with the mouth i want to kiss for the rest of eternity. 

“ _Do please stop talking.”_ He sounds as unbearably happy as I feel, stirring with the overgrown drumming flowers in my chest that drown my lungs. I haul us both up, where I have a swindle of happy Patroclus in my lap once more. 

“Watch it, I do bite.” I take the fingers pressed against my lips between my teeth and tug lightly through my own laugh by the look he gives me. Yanking his hand away, he pinches the bridge of my nose.

“Disturbed.” 

“Only for you.” I coo but he only pinches harder with a grumble and it is deafening with how much _I utterly adore him._ Ceasing his torment, winding his arms around my neck, he twirls my hair around his hands, tangling them into braids. I nudge his nose with mine, the two of us melting into one. Life around and between is silent, I almost think I can hear the sun burning. _I have to know what’s going through that beautiful mind of his._ I wander kisses up his cheeks, to his temple before I speak.

“Do you think I speak the truth?” I say into the crown of his head. He tugs me down, kissing me soft and I think he is avoiding his doubtful answer. 

“I think,,,” He speaks the small gap between our souls,” that you Achilles, is a madman-”

“Excuse you, do you not remember the biting threat-” 

“Shut it,” He kisses me quick, something I wish he could manage to do whilst speaking,”,,, but I do believe you, against my better judgments, my heart swallows every word. You better be correct Achilles or I swear to every god I will hunt you in Hades.” My pulse picks and it feels as if I’ve plucked the sun from the sky, _I_ _have - he’s melting against me and playing with the ends of my hair_. I kiss him and he pushes back, a war between flowers and its petals. 

“I will hold you to it.” I breath him, crushing my lips against already peppered skin. By the time of twilight and the roundness of the sun had settled half under the horizon, we are nothing more than tangled limbs, one soul finally getting used to the gracious feeling of being whole. Chiron calls our names across the mountain’s ridges, but we don’t move. I’ve promised immortality, one he crowns me and i drape across his shoulders. No, not a living nor mindful creature will reveal to you the downfalls of being immortal, only the riches it grants you. Playing a dangerous game with it till you can find its secrets. _I have already won. With him in my arms,_ the immortality I want will fall within the palms of our hands without question and we _, our love,_ will live amongst the legends and myths. Our love will fight for those who come after us. 

_Our love, our love, our love will live forever._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading !! i hope you liked it and comments and criticism is always very welcomed so please do leave a comment if you wish -- honestly at the end my brain was switching to "imagine the spirit of patroclus and achilles just fighting for us queer kids today" then "imagine achilles and patroclus during stonewall and the lgbtq+ rallies and parades" soooo that might maybe coming soon, late 60s and 70s music is my jam and i can so see them listening to the beatles // as a queer teen myself i highly agree for gay warrior 70s dads fighting homophobes just saying // i'll shut up now and let everyone on their way, but thank you again for reading and hope you guys stay well and strong during these times !! me and the plants are rooting for you !!


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